Guilty – I admit it at the outset. I have a visceral need to be part of Something – Something New and Big. How that fits in with my other need to be invisible remains to be reconciled, but there you have it, the paradox that I am.
Once or twice I’ve succeeded, accidentally, in being part of Something New and Big, such as when I bought the Magic Bus. At that time the Bus was “cool” and “hip,” and there I was, my middle-aged self in the driver’s seat. I bought the Bus for its gas mileage and voluminous cargo space, but that in no way pooh-poohs the fact that I was in a special vanguard. Also I recently read that neon clothing is “In” for this summer, so the $2 I paid for a neon green hoodie at Penney’s this past winter is going to give me a nice return on my investment. Maybe not enough return to fund the purchase of video links for this blog, but if I’m wearing the hoodie with my perfect hat while driving the Magic Bus, can’t nobody touch me.
But I recently missed something Really Big that made me cry out, “Aargh!” while banging my head against our circus peanut-colored wall: being included in the 4th installment of slap bracelets at goguiltypleasures. (I’ve actually missed the 3 previous installments, too, but I feel sort of responsible for this last one – I had the bracelets but hadn’t yet photographed them.) Quite a firm and galvanizing resolve overwhelmed me on seeing the most recent collection of slap braceleted bloggers, despite my having again missed the actual boat launch. Sunday morning I gathered up all my queenly garb and my crown, my bargain-bin camera, the tripod, appropriate weaponry, and my clutch of goguiltypleasures slap bracelets and strode outside to provide evidence of the queen, fittingly slapped, in her realm. “Let the world see!” I decreed for all the trees, crows, spiders and occasional bicyclists to hear.
I am a queen of sunny disposition, which means I need sun in my life on a regular basis. The golden orb makes a Mad Queen less. . .mad. Alas, my current situation does not provide such sunniness, but for a slap bracelet photo session, its absence was timely, the drab and common lighting making for rather exceptional photos. (Modesty, get thee behind me!) After swift preparation including a rear end scrub [for the Magic Bus, not me], moving the Bus into position without flattening my husband, and cranking up the camera, I was ready to chronicle just what a slapped queen looks like.
Who knew those fashion models got such a workout? Phew! And they’ve got somebody directing them and working the camera whereas I owned my photo session. Twelve seconds from the set of the camera’s timer gave me just enough time to twist a queenly hip while arranging a sword for both a good photo and as defense against any party-crashing wildlife, all the while maintaining a beatific smile. After capturing my very essence on notfilm, I visited each of the loyal creatures located within my realm to bestow upon them the honor embodied in a goguiltypleasures slap bracelet. It’s clearly evident in the photos how pleased both the armadillo and the Easter Island head are at being included in this worthy endeavor. (The little gargoyle needs some encouragement, but I’m sure he’ll come around to the mighty wonder of it all. Soon, I hope. Perhaps he should spend time with the happy head. Actually, perhaps we ALL should spend time with the happy head.)
After the strenuous undertaking of recording images of a Mad Queen and her supporters (from which she emerged without being stung by Wicked Wasps or tainted by Slinky Poison Ivy, as usually happens when she even considers emerging from inside her current quarters), I rewarded myself with the magickness and stardust that is Tito’s Handmade Vodka from my dear Lone Star State and sent to gojulesgo a selection of the priceless photos with the fond hope that she will find them highly amusing and worthy to be included in the next (should there be such oh please oh please oh please ) installment of goguiltypleasures’ slap bracelet chronicles.
That, loyal and dear readers, would make the Mad Queen, happy. Very happy. Slap happy.