I need a new job.

That title is accurate, but note the word “new.” It suggests that I currently have a job, and that’s true. Actually, the Magic Bus takes me to an office M – F, 9:00 – 5:00, there’s a guy there who’s as much boss of a Queen as anyone could claim to be, and I get a paycheck seemingly just for showing up. Rarely do I do more than that. For many a person that would be a dream-come-true situation; for me, not so much.

So, here I come to you, my readers and friends, to pick your above-average brains in my search for a better job. Let me tell you what I need (mostly in this order):

  1. Travel— cross-country, airplane, or get-out-of-jail-free travel. Nothing local since I really need to re-inflate my now 20-square-mile life. I thought about joining the circus but I can’t walk the high wire because I have acrophobia, clowns seem evil to me (the one that popped out of my

    I am very evil.

    childhood jack-in-the-box was revolting [Hear the clown laugh.]), and I have to be more judicious at my age about wearing lycra or tights. I can’t swallow fire and I don’t want to clean up after elephants.  I believe you have to actually run away to join a circus and that’s not fair to Mike. Although come to think of it, I haven’t asked his opinion on my running away to join the circus; he might disabuse me of my notion of what’s fair vs. what’s not.

  2. People— Interaction with other humans would be a significant plus. Now that I’ve served my time in solitary at my current job, having some folks

    Hi! I'm so pathetically happy to see you!

    around would be pretty nifty. Given a little time, and patience on their part, I’m certain I could once again regain my comedic footing and be an entertaining asset to almost any organization. I have so much more to say than “good morning; I’m going to lunch;” and “see you tomorrow.” Some of it’s pretty interesting, too. Who else do you know who can discuss 25 ways to cook eggplant, decorating with wine bottles, 101 uses for a cork, what not to say at a job interview, and how to use the bathroom while wearing a hoop skirt?

  3. Computer & internet access — Uncle. I give in. We need this. Okay, I need this. If I didn’t currently have computer and internet access I’d be wearing a lycra-free straight jacket (preferably something in a nice lime green color). There’s so much to be learned over the ‘Net — www.ted.com, www.npr.org, www.youtube.com, and on and on. When I can combine numbers 1, 2, and 3, I am unstoppable. I become a veritable winning lottery ticket of trivia, fun facts, hilarious cartoons, seemingly useless information, and pithy sayings. Sadly, I am currently teetering toward an overweighted level of #3, which means # 1 and #2 are signficantly anemic (i.e., I’m living my life online).
  4. And, last — money. Last for a reason. I know how this sounds. Yes, I know we all need money. If this was only about money I wouldn’t be writing this. But when the job, or just about anything, becomes about the money, you can kiss the fun goodbye. I had a trinket-selling business some years back, which I loved, until it became about the money or lack thereof. My trinket business provided autonomy, complexity and a connection between effort and reward (didn’t I tell you I could discuss a wide assortment of subjects, and in multi-syllabic terms?).  My saleswomanship was lacking, however, which was one of the reasons for the demise of trinket business. But I had more fulfilling and fun days while doing that than I’ve had before or since on a job. And the people I met. . .beyond memorable.

I am expected, however, and rightfully so, to put my weight into the traces, help bring home the virtual (or actual) bacon, contribute my fair share toward household expenses. So be it. Remuneration is a factor, but a negotiable one.

 So here I am, looking for your advice and your ideas. Six degrees of separation – you have a second cousin on your step-mother’s side who knows someone who has a friend whose next-door-neighbor needs a reliable person who can hit the road when necessary, be helpful and kind, talk a little about a lot, finish an assignment lickety-split, pour a good beer, drive like a big girl, and be a friend when needed. Maybe even write a blog entry for them.

Will write for fun.

Send me your thoughts. Soon.


3 responses to “I need a new job.

  1. I too know how to go to the bathroom in a hoopskirt! Thank you, Civil War reenactment camp. I don’t have too much advice on the job front as I can’t stand working for other people, but you seem intelligent so I would think that someone would hire you. Really wish you could make a career out of decorating with wine bottles. That story would be great.

  2. I think you should become a writer! You’ve got a great start with your blog. You are very creative with your thoughts and with other things in life too such as your many talents with wine bottles. I still have a dream of putting wine bottles around my flowerbeds someday like you did when you lived in The Heights. That was so unique. On a sad note, if I knew where a good job was, my husband would not be unemployed right now. . . . 😦 So, I can’t help you there. You didn’t mention dogs in your job quest. Elephants though? Really? NO! I know you are dog lover. What about looking into working at a vet? You can start at the front desk and work your way to the back where you can play with the dogs. Or, how about having a dog sitting business. Andy and I are always searching for reliable and trustworthy dog sitters. We pay about $60 a night to leave our pups at the kennel. So, you might could make some money this way. You could make your own hours too! I’m sure that whatever you find, you will be a great asset to the company! Good luck my friend!

  3. Pingback: Fuck the Lilliputians. | The Magic Bus Stop

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