That title is accurate, but note the word “new.” It suggests that I currently have a job, and that’s true. Actually, the Magic Bus takes me to an office M – F, 9:00 – 5:00, there’s a guy there who’s as much boss of a Queen as anyone could claim to be, and I get a paycheck seemingly just for showing up. Rarely do I do more than that. For many a person that would be a dream-come-true situation; for me, not so much.
So, here I come to you, my readers and friends, to pick your above-average brains in my search for a better job. Let me tell you what I need (mostly in this order):
- Travel— cross-country, airplane, or get-out-of-jail-free travel. Nothing local since I really need to re-inflate my now 20-square-mile life. I thought about joining the circus but I can’t walk the high wire because I have acrophobia, clowns seem evil to me (the one that popped out of my
childhood jack-in-the-box was revolting [Hear the clown laugh.]), and I have to be more judicious at my age about wearing lycra or tights. I can’t swallow fire and I don’t want to clean up after elephants. I believe you have to actually run away to join a circus and that’s not fair to Mike. Although come to think of it, I haven’t asked his opinion on my running away to join the circus; he might disabuse me of my notion of what’s fair vs. what’s not.
- People— Interaction with other humans would be a significant plus. Now that I’ve served my time in solitary at my current job, having some folks
around would be pretty nifty. Given a little time, and patience on their part, I’m certain I could once again regain my comedic footing and be an entertaining asset to almost any organization. I have so much more to say than “good morning; I’m going to lunch;” and “see you tomorrow.” Some of it’s pretty interesting, too. Who else do you know who can discuss 25 ways to cook eggplant, decorating with wine bottles, 101 uses for a cork, what not to say at a job interview, and how to use the bathroom while wearing a hoop skirt?
- Computer & internet access — Uncle. I give in. We need this. Okay, I need this. If I didn’t currently have computer and internet access I’d be wearing a lycra-free straight jacket (preferably something in a nice lime green color). There’s so much to be learned over the ‘Net — www.ted.com, www.npr.org, www.youtube.com, and on and on. When I can combine numbers 1, 2, and 3, I am unstoppable. I become a veritable winning lottery ticket of trivia, fun facts, hilarious cartoons, seemingly useless information, and pithy sayings. Sadly, I am currently teetering toward an overweighted level of #3, which means # 1 and #2 are signficantly anemic (i.e., I’m living my life online).
- And, last — money. Last for a reason. I know how this sounds. Yes, I know we all need money. If this was only about money I wouldn’t be writing this. But when the job, or just about anything, becomes about the money, you can kiss the fun goodbye. I had a trinket-selling business some years back, which I loved, until it became about the money or lack thereof. My trinket business provided autonomy, complexity and a connection between effort and reward (didn’t I tell you I could discuss a wide assortment of subjects, and in multi-syllabic terms?). My saleswomanship was lacking, however, which was one of the reasons for the demise of trinket business. But I had more fulfilling and fun days while doing that than I’ve had before or since on a job. And the people I met. . .beyond memorable.
I am expected, however, and rightfully so, to put my weight into the traces, help bring home the virtual (or actual) bacon, contribute my fair share toward household expenses. So be it. Remuneration is a factor, but a negotiable one.
So here I am, looking for your advice and your ideas. Six degrees of separation – you have a second cousin on your step-mother’s side who knows someone who has a friend whose next-door-neighbor needs a reliable person who can hit the road when necessary, be helpful and kind, talk a little about a lot, finish an assignment lickety-split, pour a good beer, drive like a big girl, and be a friend when needed. Maybe even write a blog entry for them.
Send me your thoughts. Soon.